Nicholas is a co-president of software on our team and is known for giving the best-worst advice.
As a part of the We Are blog series, Nicholas is creating an advice column that he will use to answer any of your questions and give anyone who submits his advice. In addition to advice, each segment will include original artwork by Nicholas (not for sale).
If you would like your questions to be answered in the next installment of “Ask Nicholas”, please submit here. Enjoy!*
Q1: What is the secret to programming?
Nicholas: The secret to programming is bashing your face into the keyboard until someone tells you that you’re doing it right. And as soon as someone tells you you’re doing it right, you throw out all the code and start over. The more criticism you get, the better you’re doing it.
Q2: I have a dilemma. I’m trying to find the dankest meme, but all the memes are equally dank. What meme is the dankest of the dank memes?
Nicholas: So if all your memes are great, what you’re gonna want to do is blur them all and then combine them all into one super meme. Make sure you use MS Paint for this procedure, Photoshop will try to over analyze it and won’t preserve the dankness of the meme. So you want to apply a gaussian blur and then combine them all in MS Paint, excluding alpha values, of course, because then it would just turn all white.
Q3: I’m thinking of getting my pilot’s license. As an experienced pilot yourself, do you have any advice for a mere beginner?
Nicholas: You don’t need one. You grab a plane, and just go. Ummm… If you’re going to do that, the preferred landing strips are the vertical buildings, those are the good ones to try to land on, go for those. The taller the better.
Q4: Avi asks: “About a week ago, I lost my phone. Where did I put it?”
Nicholas: Where did you put your phone or where is your phone now? That’s an important distinction.
Avi: If you could answer both of those questions, that’d be great.
Nicholas: Oooh, where did you put your phone? Well, if my agents are correct, you left class at 3 o’clock that day, you went out to the parking lot… I’m gonna guess you probably dropped it on the way. But then what I’m guessing is that one of the people spying for me went and grabbed it, brought it back to the lab, and sold it on AliBaba for spare parts. So it’s probably in pieces all over China. Sorry to say.
Q5: Do you have any hidden talents?
Nicholas: Giving people migraines, breaking computers– well, that’s not really hidden. Ummm yeah I think it’s pretty obvious.
Q6: What’s your mission statement?
Nicholas: If I can’t fix it, I’ll break it
Q7: Andrew submitted: “It took me almost 3 years to realize that the “war” part of W.A.R. Lords stands for “We Are Robot”, even though I knew “We Are Robot” was a phrase related to your team the entire time. On a scale of 1-10, how embarrassed should I be?”
Nicholas: OHHHHHHHHH. We are robot. Oh my god. W.A.R.. Ohhhhh my god. I’m gonna give you a 1 because I just found that out too. Whaaat? Oh I get it now. It makes a lot of sense. I get it! Ohhhhh. That makes sense. I get it now. Alright. I’m now a better human being. By knowing that. That has changed my world.
*The W.A.R. Lords are not responsible for any consequences that result from taking this advice